Looking Back, Contemplating the Future

It’s hard to believe such a short time ago I felt as badly as I did.  I think back to the days where I lay in bed crying from the pain, the phone calls made asking for help with Kate, the trips to Urgent Care for medications, the frightening blackouts, the dizziness that made me cringe at the thought of bending over.  There were days I wondered if I had the strength to make it through another.  Or to even make it through that day itself.

At 3 months post-op I feel good.  Really good.  A newly made friend mentioned yesterday she is amazed at how well my recovery has gone.  I’ve thought the same thing many, many times over the last 3 months.  I feel very fortunate that the surgery was so successful and that I rebounded so well.  Stories of others told tales of being in bed constantly for 6-8 weeks, taking 6 months to muster the energy to walk around the block and post-surgical complications that required a shunt to drain fluid buildup or more surgeries.

As the time passes and I regain my strength, I feel the edges of the memories start to blur and soften.  The pain of the past isn’t as sharp.  I no longer break out in a cold sweat when I think about how horrible the pain pump made me feel after being transferred out of Neuro Critical Care unit.  My stomach doesn’t turn when I run my fingers over my scar.  I wake up in the morning and look forward to the day, no longer bracing myself for the pain that will descend upon standing.

I’m focusing now on living my life again.  A life free of headaches and chronic pain; a life full of adventure, laughter and love.

But in doing so I wonder what will come of this space.  This was my place to talk about the chiari.  To talk about the pain, the fear, the uncertainty.  My head is okay now–it no longer brings me pain.  There is no more fear or uncertainty about the future.  Surgery has come and gone; “recovery” is transitioning into “recovered”.

Does this blog serve a purpose anymore?

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