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Archive for December, 2009

Getting Back to Life

When the headaches, insomnia and depression hit hard early this summer, I turned inward.  I shut out friends, family and even my husband.

I quit making phone calls just to chat and/or check in with people.

I quit making plans with friends.

I let the physical and emotional pain darken my days and rule my world.

Weeks of therapy and anti-depressants helped me get to a point where I could open myself up, if only a little.  The chiari diagnosis forced me to open myself up a little more as people reached out to offer support and ask questions.

As surgery came and faded into the past, I took a step backward.  I found myself closing up again.  Our mandated quarantine shut me off from seeing friends.  I made far few phone calls than I should have.  I used my low energy as a crutch.

I work now on transitioning from “patient to Amanda” (as my therapist says).  It means repairing the relationships I so horribly neglected and navigating through life again.  It means not shutting doors and letting myself use my life as an excuse.

It means living my life.

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